Can you say anticlimactic? I can.
I won’t lie, going into this movie, I didn’t have high hopes. When I first saw the preview for it a few months ago, I wasn’t impressed and thought it looked quite stupid. Unfortunately, I was right. But right before we started the movie, my sister told me that her friend said it was creepy, so I gave it the benefit of the doubt.
The beginning is slow and it annoyed me to the point that I considered shutting it off. But it eventually picked up. Sort of.
There were a few ‘jump scares’. One of them actually got me even though I knew it was coming (I work in a video store and see the previews over and over every day). But two of the supposed scary parts weren’t even real, they were just in her dreams. That bugged me.
Then there’s the fact that when she started actually taking care of the doll like it was a real boy, I was kind of confused about whether or not she was even acting. One minute, she’s being all weird and shit, and the next minute she’s back to herself. Was she acting? Or was it real? I guess I’ll never fucking know.
And this is just fucking DUMB: the two old parents go out to the beach or whatever and pick up these (strangely) identical rocks – just one – put the thing in their pocket and walk out into the water. And magically sink. Because of one rock. They sink. One rock. One. Rock. Made them sink. One.
Towards the end, when Captain Dickhole smashes the doll, I actually regained my hope. Because there’s suddenly something climbing out of the wall. Is it a demon? A monster? A spirit???? No, it’s a — person. Wow. Gee whiz, guys. Way to go. Bravo, a fucking person. Hallelujah, praise Jesus. For a second I thought it was actually going to be something interesting.
Turns out, this boy had been hiding in the goddamn walls. Had a kitchen and a bed and everything. His house was bigger than mine and it was a fucking wall. Among his fanciness, he had a doll he’d made of Maggie – I mean, Greta – with her clothes and everything.
And then – typical horror-murder-movie-style – he chased them and tried to kill them. Well, he actually wanted Maggie – Greta – to be his…what? I don’t even know. Just to be his, I guess. No one specified, really.
It was just stupid and lacked explanation – not to mention, horror.